Fight or Flight . .

Today this blog is being used as a way to blow off steam. I am currently in training to start a small group in the Fall and so many curveballs have been thrown my direction that I am feeling totally unprepared for this big task. I know God would not have presented me with this amazing opportunity if I were not ready for it but I have to remember that I am human, meaning that I am expected to screw up. The disciples of the Bible were not perfect, nor were the writers, this has been written many times about their failures, turning away, and denying (it is probably not the best time for me to read Job!). But in times when things are frustrating and seeming close to impossible I do not always have the best reaction. When it comes to fight or flight I am THE definition of flight, I could tell you story upon story. I tend to run as fast as I can but God helps me realize that I have been backed into a corner that I cannot escape. I can try my best to stick my nose in the corner and stick my fingers in my ears to keep from hearing or seeing but it will not work. God will still show me something.

One way that I seem to always express myself is through music. If I am in a good mood, you'll find me dancing everywhere I go, if I am feeling joyous you'll find me singing praising no matter where I am, and if I am feeling frustrated or discouraged you will have seen me this past week just crying for help. I heard a song yesterday of discouragement and throwing in the towel , I decided I did not want to be helped - this obviously was not a Christian song with a good message. But I had decided that was it. Or did I decide that? Honestly, I think this was more of a challenge to God. Almost like I was daring him to come rescue me. And rescue me he did. It's amazing how He always knows what we need to hear.

I went to my small group yesterday (in which I am training to begin a small group) and our college minister spoke of Psalm 120.

A Song of Ascents.

1In my trouble I cried to the LORD, And He answered me.
2Deliver my soul, O LORD, from lying lips, From a deceitful tongue.
3What shall be given to you, and what more shall be done to you, You deceitful tongue?
4Sharp arrows of the warrior, With the burning coals of the broom tree.
5Woe is me, for I sojourn in Meshech, For I dwell among the tents of Kedar!
6Too long has my soul had its dwelling With those who hate peace.
7I am for peace, but when I speak, They are for war.

This was just the Psalm that was on his schedule to read for the day but he spoke specifically of Psalm 120:5. And this is where God convicted me. I have been aimlessly wandering in Meshech and dwelling in the enemy camps of Kedar. Whether it was in my anger or self-pity or what I believed to be loneliness. But nothing worldly can satisfy. And anything of this world is just going to tear us apart more than it can give us peace. And He rescued me.

Today is a brand new day, I am a brand new me. My attitude is a positive one although at times I am a little frustrated because of my blindness and stubbornness but I am focused and looking forward to this new chapter. My 1st session of summer classes will soon be over and I will be moving on to the next session, things at work are going well, and I have an amazing family that I love going home to. There are still hurdles to be faced and things that I am not looking forward to facing but I know that God will allow me to get through it. But this is the verse that comes to mind . . Romans 8:28

28And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

I could go on for hours about this. Read the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge - it's amazing, all about how God will rescue and romance you. If it had not been for going over this book in my small group I am not sure I would have allowed myself to be rescued by God. He is truly amazing and merciful. I am so thankful!